Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety in children is common and very normal. It tends to occur between the ages of six months and three years although it can crop up at other times in response to stress and change. Your child may not like being held by other people or may get upset when you leave the room. They may also cry and protest when you go to new places or leave them with other people, for example, at nursery. 

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Separation anxiety and fear of strangers is common in young children.

It occurs between the ages of 6 months and 3 years. It is a normal part of your child's development.

It can happen at other times in response to stress and change, such as starting nursery or school for the first time.

Separation anxiety starts when your child understands they rely on the people who care for them.

This can include parents and other family members such as grandparents, or professionals closley involved in their care.

As children become more aware of the world around them, their strong relationship with you means they don't feel worried and insecure without you. They can also become upset in new situations or with new people even if you are there. 

It is important to know this is a normal part of development for your child. Some children struggle more than others. It will get better in time. Here are a few tips:

  • Explain to your child what will happen and when.
  • Practice leaving them for short periods of time. This could be with someone they know for a few minutes.
  • Build up gradually to longer periods of time apart.
  • If you are leaving your child in a new place try to spend time with them there before the separation.
  • Talk about what you will do together when you get back. This will give them something to look forward to.
  • Leave something comforting and familiar with your child. For example a favourite cuddly toy, blanket, or scarf.
  • Try not to leave when your child is tired or hungry.
  • Make saying goodbye a positive time. Smile and wave goodbye confidently and happily. 
  • Be calm and consistent. Make sure you leave after saying goodbye.
  • Every child is different. Sometimes children like to be settled into an activity before you leave. Other times children respond better if you don't linger.
  • Watch this NHS video for more advice 'My child wants to be with me all the time. What can I do?' 

 

How to handle separation anxiety

Separation anxiety can make it difficult for you to leave your child at nursery or in someone else's care. You may feel upset by their tears and worry about the affect on your child.

It is natural for your child to feel anxious without you. It's normal to feel guilty when you need to get on with other parts of your life. Separation anxiety is usually a sign of how well you have bonded with your child. It's a normal part of growing up.

Focus on helping your child understand and deal with their feelings. They will learn that if you leave them, they will be OK and you will come back. If your child is old enough talk to them about what's happening, where you're going and when you'll return.

By leaving your child with another caregiver you are helping them learn to cope without you. This is an important step towards their growing independence. Don't be hard on yourself. Separation anxiety is common and is normal.

 It is important that your child's anxiety doesn't stop them having new experiences, like playing with other children and learning at nursery. It should not stop you from going to work.

If your child is extremely distressed, they are upset for a long time after you have left them, or it does not improve over time, contact your health visitor to discuss your concerns.

The Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families also has further information on separation anxiety.

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For further help please watch My child wants to be with me all the time NHS video. 

 

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