Tantrums can happen for all sorts of reasons. They may be tired, over stimulated, hungry, wanting something they can’t have, or they had something taken away from them. It may also be a way of getting your attention or expressing their feelings to you as they are not able to tell you how they are feeling.
Young children are still developing their social, emotional, and language skills. This means they may struggle to communicate their needs and desires, including their need for independence. Frustration can easily arise, and they are still learning how their actions impact others. Tantrums, therefore, become a primary outlet for expressing and managing strong emotions, as well as a way to try and understand their surroundings.
Key Points:
If your young child is having tantrums, it can be a way of them expressing a need they are unable to communicate. It can also be an indicator that they may be hungry, tired or over stimulated
Try to stay calm when your child is having a tantrum. This can be very hard to do but if you become stressed too your child will pick up on it. Keeping calm and in control shows your toddler that you are not overwhelmed by his or her emotions and while he or she feels out of control
Other ways to help could be by using a distraction method. Reading a book, singing or something else to look at where they are like a bus going past might help them forget that they were about to have an episode
When your child is having a tantrum:
Try to be calm and consistent - Talk to them but keep it slow, simple and quiet.
A hug can soothe and calm and make a child feel safe. They may be feeling alarmed by their own behaviour.
Think about what might have caused the anger or emotion to rise in the child. if you know what it was, you could also spell out what you think is happening for them at the same time in a way that makes them feel understood. If they were being e.g. “I know that it can make you feel bad when someone takes away a toy.”
Think about what might be going on for the child, and then respond. This could include, naming what they think is happening for the child, offering them a hug, helping the child to get rid of the physical feelings (e.g. to run around or dance) or finding a distraction.
Reassure - after the tantrum, once your child is calmer, reassure your child, talk to them about their emotions and if they are old enough, talk about how they might deal with those emotions differently.
You could try and distract them by pointing at the sky and ask them to count the clouds or point to an interesting item in the room – or talk about a topic that you know interests them. (But do avoid giving treats to make them feel better. Giving a child something like a sweet to get them to stop behaviour can actually prompt them to do it again.)
Suggest they walk with you to the special ‘quiet space’ to calm down and regulate their feelings.
Positive reinforcement - try to make a point of noticing and commenting on good behaviours (such as "you are playing very nicely with your brother") so that your child gets attention for acting in the way you would like them to.
It is useful to have a predictable routine for sleeping and eating in order to prevent your child becoming overly tired or hungry
Talking with your child about what you will be doing that day can prepare them for what is going to happen
Let your child make small choices about their day when this is possible
Sometimes we all need to ask for help. This may be from friends or family, or it may be asking a professional. If you feel like you just can’t cope, wherever possible, it is better to ask for help than to keep everything bottled up and suffer alone. This will help to reduce your own distress and will help you feel more able to deal with your toddler. Try give yourself a break sometimes:
go for a walk or do some exercise
meet with friends and have some time to yourself
sit down with a cuppa
read the paper
watch your favourite show
Ideas for staying calm could include taking a deep breath or counting to 10.
If you are struggling to cope with your child's behaviour, talk to your health visitor or GP.
Download the positive parenting guide from the NSPCC
What is it?
Separation anxiety in children is common and very normal. It tends to occur between the ages of six months and three years although it can crop up at other times in response to stress and change. Your child may not like being held by other people or may get upset when you leave the room. They may also cry and protest when you go to new places or leave them with other people, for example, at nursery.
Why does it happen?
Separation anxiety starts when your child understands they rely on the people who care for them.
This can include parents and other family members such as grandparents, or professionals closley involved in their care.
As children become more aware of the world around them, their strong relationship with you means they can feel worried and insecure without you. They can also become upset in new situations or with new people even if you are there.
What can I do to help?
It is important to know this is a normal part of development for your child. Some children struggle more than others. It will get better in time. Here are a few tips:
Explain to your child what will happen and when.
Practice leaving them for short periods of time. This could be with someone they know for a few minutes.
Build up gradually to longer periods of time apart.
If you are leaving your child in a new place try to spend time with them there before the separation.
Talk about what you will do together when you get back. This will give them something to look forward to.
Leave something comforting and familiar with your child. For example a favourite cuddly toy, blanket, or scarf.
Try not to leave when your child is tired or hungry.
Make saying goodbye a positive time. Smile and wave goodbye confidently and happily.
Be calm and consistent. Make sure you leave after saying goodbye.
Every child is different. Sometimes children like to be settled into an activity before you leave. Other times children respond better if you don't linger.
Separation anxiety can make it difficult for you to leave your child at nursery or in someone else's care. You may feel upset by their tears and worry about the affect on your child.
It is natural for your child to feel anxious without you. It's normal to feel guilty when you need to get on with other parts of your life. Separation anxiety is usually a sign of how well you have bonded with your child. It's a normal part of growing up.
Focus on helping your child understand and deal with their feelings. They will learn that if you leave them, they will be OK and you will come back. If your child is old enough talk to them about what's happening, where you're going and when you'll return.
By leaving your child with another caregiver you are helping them learn to cope without you. This is an important step towards their growing independence. Don't be hard on yourself. Separation anxiety is common and is normal.
What if I need more help?
It is important that your child's anxiety doesn't stop them having new experiences, like playing with other children and learning at nursery. It should not stop you from going to work.
If your child is extremely distressed and this does not improve over time, contact your health visiting team to discuss your concerns.
Good quality sleep is important for everyone but especially for children as it directly impacts on their mental and physical development.
During the deep states of sleep, blood supply to your child’s muscles is increased, energy is restored, tissue growth and repair occur, and important hormones are released for growth.
Good sleep helps to improve attention, behaviour, learning and memory.
For help and more information on crying babies and how to cope please go to the ICON website.
In the drop down menus below you can find the age category of your child and all the related sleep advice and information.
It's recommended that babies up to 3 months get 14-17 hours of sleep per day (24 hour period). This includes daytime naps.
Younger infants up to 6 months tend to sleep on and off around the clock, waking every 1–3 hours to eat. As they near 4 months of age, sleep rhythms become more set. Most babies sleep 9–12 hours at night, usually with an interruption for feeding, and have 2–3 daytime naps lasting about 30 minutes to 2 hours each.
Is it normal for babies to wake at night?
Yes. It is normal for babies to wake during the night. Some babies sleep much more than others. Some sleep for long periods, others in short bursts. Some soon sleep through the night, some don't for a long time. Your baby will have their own pattern of waking and sleeping, and it's unlikely to be the same as other babies you know.
It may help to remember that all babies over 5 months of age wake 4-6 times during the night, as they come to the end of each sleep cycle. This is normal, and also occurs with older children and adults. It's the falling back to sleep that can be difficult.
Do babies and young children automatically fall into a good sleeping pattern?
No. All babies and children need to be supported to develop a good sleep routine and good sleeping habits. It is a process that will take time and can’t be achieved in a few days. This can be a struggle, especially when you are sleep deprived and feel constantly tired yourself. All babies are different and will start sleeping through at different times. There also needs to be a degree of flexibility around sleep routines.
What routines and habits promote good sleep
Fortunately, there are many practical ways to develop and improve your child’s sleeping routine and habits. Tips for newborns are below.
Newborns (0-3 months)
For newborns, sleep during the early months occurs around the clock and the sleep-wake cycle is driven by the need to be fed, changed and given attention.
Newborns sleep a total of 14 to 17 hours across a 24 hour period, on an irregular schedule with periods of one to three hours spent awake. The sleep period may last a few minutes to several hours. During sleep, they are often active, twitching their arms and legs, smiling, sucking and generally appearing restless.
Newborns express their need to sleep in different ways. Some fuss, cry or rub their eyes.
It is best to put babies down to sleep when they are drowsy, but not asleep. They are more likely to fall asleep quickly and eventually learn how to get themselves to sleep.
Newborns can be encouraged to sleep less during the day by exposing them to light and noise, and by playing more with them in the daytime. As evening approaches, the environment can be quieter and lighting dimmer with less activity.
Sleep tips for newborns:
Observe newborn’s sleep patterns and identify signs of sleepiness.
Put newborn in a cot or Moses basket (even during the day) when they are drowsy, and not asleep, to encourage self-settling.
Encourage night time sleep; as evening approaches try to make the environment quieter and lighting dimmer with less activity.
All babies cry and it can be upsetting and frustrating. Not every baby is easy to calm but that doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. For tips on infant crying and how to cope see ICON and/or talk to your health visitor.
Safer sleep tips:
Simple steps can be taken to ensure that your baby sleeps in a safe environment, which will reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), commonly known as cot death. Following these Every Sleep Counts tips can give you the peace of mind to enjoy this special time.
This advice is based on strong scientific evidence and should be followed for all sleep periods, not just at night.
The safest place for babies to sleep is close to their parents’ bed but in their own bed in the same room for at least the first six months
Never co-sleep on a sofa/armchair
Never co-sleep if you have smoked or have used alcohol, medication or drugs
Put babies on their back for every sleep
Maintain a clear and flat sleep space
Keep babies smoke free day and night
Support breastfeeding
Click here for more information about safe sleep and co-sleeping advice
Daytime naps advice:
Daytime naps provide much needed downtime that aids the important physical and mental development that happens in early childhood
They help keep babies and young children from becoming overtired, which can affect their moods and make it harder for them to fall asleep at night.
They also give parents a break during the day and time to tackle household chores or just unwind.
There's no single rule about how much daytime sleep kids need. It depends on their age, the child, and the sleep kids need. It depends on their age, the child and the sleep total during a 24-hour period. For example, one toddley may sleep 13 hours at night with only some daytime catnapping, while another gets 9 hours at night but takes a solid 2-hour nap each afternoon. If your child is napping 'on the go' (for example in the car) try to ensure that this is balanced by daytime sleep in their own bed at home so that they get good quality daytime sleep over the course of a week.
Advice for Infants 4 months-1 year old
It's recommended that infants from 4 months - 1 year get 12-15 hours of sleep per day (24 hour period). This includes daytime naps.
Younger infants up to 6 months tend to sleep on and off around the clock, waking every 1–3 hours to eat. As they near 4 months of age, sleep rhythms become more set. Most babies sleep 9–12 hours at night, usually with an interruption for feeding, and have 2–3 daytime naps lasting about 30 minutes to 2 hours each.
Babies from 6-12 months usually have two naps a day, which may last 20 minutes for some babies and for others a few hours.
Is it normal for babies to wake at night?
Yes. It is normal for babies to wake during the night. Some babies sleep much more than others. Some sleep for long periods, others in short bursts. Some soon sleep through the night, some don't for a long time. Your baby will have their own pattern of waking and sleeping, and it's unlikely to be the same as other babies you know.
It may help to remember that all babies over 5 months of age wake 4-6 times during the night, as they come to the end of each sleep cycle. This is normal, and also occurs with older children and adults. It's the falling back to sleep that can be difficult.
Do babies and young children automatically fall into a good sleeping pattern?
No. All babies and children need to be supported to develop a good sleep routine and good sleeping habits. It is a process that will take time and can’t be achieved in a few days. This can be a struggle, especially when you are sleep deprived and feel constantly tired yourself. All babies are different and will start sleeping through at different times. There also needs to be a degree of flexibility around sleep routines.
What routines and habits promote good sleep?
Fortunately, there are many practical ways to develop and improve your child’s sleeping routine and habits. Tips for infants 4-11 months are below.
Infants typically sleep 12-15 hours during the night and take 30 minute to two-hour naps, one to four times a day – fewer as they reach age one.
After a calming bedtime routine, children benefit from being allowed to settle to sleep on their own while awake but drowsy. If children learn to settle independently they will be more likely to self soothe back to sleep after natural night wakenings.
As your baby grows their sleep habits will change, though starting to establish a bedtime routine early on can help support these changes. During the second half of the year, infants may experience separation anxiety, which may disrupt their sleep. Illness and increased motor development may also disrupt sleep.
Sleep Tips for Infants
Develop regular daytime and bedtime schedules; maintain consistent sleep and wake times
Create a consistent and enjoyable bedtime routine.
Establish a regular 'sleep friendly' environment (see advice below).
Encourage your baby to fall asleep independently i.e. while awake but drowsy.
See the safer sleep tips on the sleep advice for newborns page (above).
All babies cry and it can be upsetting and frustrating. Not every baby is easy to calm but that doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. For tips on infant crying and how to cope see ICON and/or talk to your health visitor.
Daytime naps advice:
Daytime naps provide much needed downtime that aids the important physical and mental development that happens in early childhood
They help keep babies and young children from becoming overtired, which can affect their moods and make it harder for them to fall asleep at night.
They also give parents a break during the day and time to tackle household chores or just unwind.
There's no single rule about how much daytime sleep kids need. It depends on their age, the child, and the sleep total during a 24-hour period. For example, one toddler may sleep 13 hours at night with only some daytime catnapping, while another gets 9 hours at night but takes a solid 2-hour nap each afternoon. If your child is napping 'on the go' (for example in the car) try to ensure that this is balanced by daytime sleep in their own bed at home so that they get good quality daytime sleep over the course of a week.
Example of a good bedtime routine:
Every baby and child is different and you can adapt the following bedtime routine to meet your baby’s/child’s needs. Babies may require a shorter bedtime routine. You will wish to offer your baby a 'top-up' feed as part of the routine.
Start the 'journey to bed' an hour before bedtime using signals such as end of a favourite game.
6.00pm: Bath time – bathing and brushing teeth
6.15pm: Change into bedtime clothes
6.30pm: Story time. If they are not interested in stories to begin with you could try gentle songs/nursery rhymes. Story time can be extended as a child gets older.
6.45pm: Settle into bed, cuddle time, and goodnight. Some parents find it helpful to sing the same nursery rhyme/song every night as a signal that it’s time to go to sleep.
Avoid return to daytime activities (e.g. not returning downstairs after their bath).
Transitional objects (soft toys) are helpful to many young children as part of positive sleep association.
Example of a 'sleep friendly' environment:
The safest place to sleep is in a cot or cot bed with all sides up.
Babies should sleep on a firm and flat mattress, and the sleeping area should be clear of toys, cot bumpers and duvets; at home and when staying with family and friends.
Place baby to sleep on their back for every sleep, with face and head clear of blankets and other soft items.
Babies need to be a comfortable temperature. A room temperature of 16-20°C – with light bedding or a lightweight, well-fitting baby sleep bag– is comfortable and safe for sleeping babies.
Ideally lights off, or at least dimmed. LEDs emit much more blue light than white bulbs and therefore have a greater impact on quality sleep, so ensure these are switched off.
There does not need to be silence, and it can be helpful for your baby to get used to some noise, though noise needs to be at a level that it does not disrupt sleep.
A smoke free environment is safest for babies and children.
My child is tired, so why won’t they sleep?
If a child is happy, comfortable, and tired, problems falling asleep are likely to be behavioural (such as bedtime resistance) or environmental (such as noise).
I’ve tried all of the above and my baby is still waking frequently!
Some babies take longer than others to respond to a routine and settle into good sleep habits. Look after yourself. Almost all adults find interrupted sleep makes them feel tired and irritable, and relationships can suffer. For further advice see the useful resources section below.
Advice for toddlers 1-2 years old
It's recommended that toddlers aged 1-2 years get 11-14 hours of sleep per day (24 hour period). This includes daytime naps.
Young toddlers might still be taking two naps, but over time this will reduce to one nap of 1-3 hours. Naps should not be too close to bedtime, as they may make it harder for toddlers to fall asleep at night.
Do babies and young children automatically fall into a good sleeping pattern?
No. All babies and children need to be supported to develop a good sleep routine and good sleeping habits. It is a process that will take time and can’t be achieved in a few days. This can be a struggle, especially when you are sleep deprived and feel constantly tired yourself. All babies are different and will start sleeping through at different times. There also needs to be a degree of flexibility around sleep routines.
What routines and habits promote good sleep
Fortunately, there are many practical ways to develop and improve your child’s sleeping routine and habits. Tips for toddlers are below.
Toddlers need about 11-14 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period. When they reach about 18 months of age their naptimes will decrease to once a day lasting about one to three hours. Naps should not occur too close to bedtime as they may delay sleep at night.
Many toddlers experience sleep problems including resisting going to bed and night-time awakenings. Night-time fears and nightmares are also common.
Many factors can lead to sleep problems. Toddlers' drive for independence and an increase in their motor, cognitive and social abilities can interfere with sleep. In addition, their ability to get out of bed, separation anxiety, the need for autonomy and the development of the child's imagination can lead to sleep problems. Daytime sleepiness and behaviour problems may signal poor sleep or a sleep problem.
Sleep Tips for Toddlers:
Maintain a daily sleep schedule and a consistent and enjoyable bedtime routine.
Maintain a regular 'sleep friendly' environment, and teach the child to settle in the same environment that they will later wake up in during the night (i.e. their bedroom).
Encourage your toddler to fall asleep independently i.e. while awake but drowsy.
Set limits that are consistent, communicated and enforced. If parents do not set limits children will invariably choose a later bedtime.
See the safer sleep tips on the newborn sleep advice section above.
Daytime naps advice:
Daytime naps provide much needed downtime that aids the important physical and mental development that happens in early childhood
They help keep babies and young children from becoming overtired, which can affect their moods and make it harder for them to fall asleep at night.
They also give parents a break during the day and time to tackle household chores or just unwind.
There's no single rule about how much daytime sleep kids need. It depends on their age, the child, and the sleep total during a 24-hour period. For example, one toddler may sleep 13 hours at night with only some daytime catnapping, while another gets 9 hours at night but takes a solid 2-hour nap each afternoon. If your child is napping 'on the go' (for example in the car) try to ensure that this is balanced by daytime sleep in their own bed at home so that they get good quality daytime sleep over the course of a week.
Example of a good bedtime routine:
Every baby and child is different and you can adapt the following bedtime routine to meet your baby’s/child’s needs. Babies may require a shorter bedtime routine. You will wish to offer your baby a 'top-up' feed as part of the routine.
Start the 'journey to bed' an hour before bedtime using signals such as end of a favourite game.
6.00pm: Bath time – bathing and brushing teeth
6.15pm: Change into bedtime clothes
6.30pm: Story time. If they are not interested in stories to begin with you could try gentle songs/nursery rhymes. Story time can be extended as a child gets older.
6.45pm: Settle into bed, cuddle time, and goodnight. Some parents find it helpful to sing the same nursery rhyme/song every night as a signal that it’s time to go to sleep.
Avoid return to daytime activities (e.g. not returning downstairs after their bath).
Transitional objects (soft toys) are helpful to many young children as part of positive sleep association.
My child is tired, so why won’t they sleep?
If a child is happy, comfortable, and tired, problems falling asleep are likely to be behavioural (such as bedtime resistance) or environmental (such as noise).
I’ve tried all of the above and my baby is still waking frequently!
Some babies take longer than others to respond to a routine and settle into good sleep habits. Look after yourself. Almost all adults find interrupted sleep makes them feel tired and irritable, and relationships can suffer. For further advice see the useful resources section.
Advice for preschoolers 3-5 years old
It's recommended that pre-schoolers aged 3-5 years get 10-13 hours of sleep per day (24 hour period). This includes any daytime naps.
Some pre-schools require an afternoon nap, though you should be working towards your child dropping a regular afternoon nap before they start school.
Do babies and young children automatically fall into a good sleeping pattern?
No. All babies and children need to be supported to develop a good sleep routine and good sleeping habits. It is a process that will take time and can’t be achieved in a few days. This can be a struggle, especially when you are sleep deprived and feel constantly tired yourself. All babies are different and will start sleeping through at different times. There also needs to be a degree of flexibility around sleep routines.
What routines and habits promote good sleep
Fortunately, there are many practical ways to develop and improve your child’s sleeping routine and habits. Tips for pre-schoolers are below.
Sleep and Pre-schoolers (3-5 years)
Pre-schoolers typically sleep 10-13 hours each night and most do not nap after five years of age. As with toddlers, difficulty falling asleep and waking up during the night are common. With further development of imagination, pre-schoolers commonly experience night-time fears and nightmares. In addition, sleepwalking and sleep terrors peak during preschool years.
Sleep Tips for Pre-schoolers:
Maintain a consistent and enjoyable sleep schedule and bedtime routine.Maintain a regular 'sleep friendly' environment, with the child settling in the same environment that they will later wake up in during the night (i.e. their bedroom). This should be without any screens an hour before bedtime – so no TV, mobile phones, tablets or computers.
Set limits that are consistent, communicated and enforced. If parents do not set limits children will invariably choose a later bedtime. You could try giving your child one of two bedtime 'passes' that can be exchanged for a parent response, and if they are not used they can exchange them for a small reward such as a sticker in the morning.
Positive reinforcement: If appropriate behaviour is rewarded it is likely to be repeated. Parents should provide encouragement and positive praise for small achievable steps. Some parents find it helpful to use star charts for pre-school and primary school-aged children. Rewards should never be withdrawn.
Daytime naps advice:
Daytime naps provide much needed downtime that aids the important physical and mental development that happens in early childhood
They help keep babies and young children from becoming overtired, which can affect their moods and make it harder for them to fall asleep at night.
They also give parents a break during the day and time to tackle household chores or just unwind.
There's no single rule about how much daytime sleep kids need. It depends on their age, the child, and the sleep total during a 24-hour period. For example, one toddler may sleep 13 hours at night with only some daytime catnapping, while another gets 9 hours at night but takes a solid 2-hour nap each afternoon. If your child is napping 'on the go' (for example in the car) try to ensure that this is balanced by daytime sleep in their own bed at home so that they get good quality daytime sleep over the course of a week.
Example of a good bedtime routine:
Every baby and child is different and you can adapt the following bedtime routine to meet your baby’s/child’s needs. Babies may require a shorter bedtime routine. You will wish to offer your baby a 'top-up' feed as part of the routine.
Start the 'journey to bed' an hour before bedtime using signals such as end of a favourite game.
6.00pm: Bath time – bathing and brushing teeth
6.15pm: Change into bedtime clothes
6.30pm: Story time. If they are not interested in stories to begin with you could try gentle songs/nursery rhymes. Story time can be extended as a child gets older.
6.45pm: Settle into bed, cuddle time, and goodnight. Some parents find it helpful to sing the same nursery rhyme/song every night as a signal that it’s time to go to sleep.
Avoid return to daytime activities (e.g. not returning downstairs after their bath).
Transitional objects (soft toys) are helpful to many young children as part of positive sleep association.
My child is tired, so why won’t they sleep?
If a child is happy, comfortable, and tired, problems falling asleep are likely to be behavioural (such as bedtime resistance) or environmental (such as noise).
I’ve tried all of the above and my baby is still waking frequently!
Some babies take longer than others to respond to a routine and settle into good sleep habits. Look after yourself. Almost all adults find interrupted sleep makes them feel tired and irritable, and relationships can suffer. For further advice see the useful resources section below.
Sleep advice for primary school aged children (5-11 years old)
What routines and habits promote good sleep?
Fortunately, there are many practical ways to develop and improve your child’s sleeping routine and habits.
Maintain a consistent sleep schedule, waking up and going to sleep at the same times (or within an hour of normal times even at weekends, allowing for some flexibility).
Try to maintain sleep routines in the school holidays and when away from home.Maintain an enjoyable bedtime routine. Promote story time for as long as a child will allow.
Maintain a regular 'sleep friendly' environment, with the child settling in the same environment that they will later wake up in during the night (i.e. their bedroom). Environment should be quiet, dark, and smoke-free. LED lights emit much more blue light than white bulbs and therefore have a greater impact on quality sleep, so ensure these are switched off.
Avoid screen use (including TV, mobile phones, tablets and computers) an hour before bed and have a no screens in bedroom agreement.
Avoid caffeinated or high sugar products, such as fizzy drinks, sweets and tea, particularly during the afternoon and evening.
If your child is genuinely hungry rather than trying to delay bedtime (i.e. you are serving adequate portions at meals and your child consistently says they are hungry at bedtime), it is better for the parent to be 'in charge' and offer a snack rather than your child asking. Encourage any snack as early as possible (i.e. before bath and brushing teeth time) and limit their choice to a snack high in fibre and/or protein (rather than sugar or carbohydrates). Snacks such as nuts, peanut butter, Greek yogurt, hummus, eggs, beans, tofu, berries, and whole grains are all good examples. Cereal is okay as long as it’s not heavily sweetened.
Encourage your child to get as much natural light as possible in the day, especially in the morning.
Set limits that are consistent, communicated and enforced. If parents do not set limits children will invariably choose a later bedtime.
How do I encourage my child to stick to a sleep routine and good sleep habits?
Ideally, you want to reach a point where, as your child gets older, they take responsibility for their sleep routine and habits. If they can be encouraged to do this before they reach secondary school, it will help to inform a good sleep routine and habits as teenagers. Key to encouraging children to take some responsibility for their sleep – rather than something that they need to do battle with parents over - is explaining to them why sleep is important for their health and wellbeing. A book has been created by the Southampton Children's Hospital to help young children understand why sleep is important. You can find it here. An animation is also coming soon to help encourage children to get a good night's sleep.
Is there a link between screen use and poor sleep?
The scientific evidence base agrees that use of screens before going to bed is detrimental to sleep for people of any age. Using screens sends a signal to your brain that you should still be awake, and use of social media for example, can cause anxiety or an increased state of awareness at a time when you want your/child’s brain to be in calm mode.
Good example of a bedtime routine for a primary-school aged child:
Start the 'journey to bed' an hour before bedtime using signals such as end of a favourite game or TV programme. Have a 'screen curfew' in the hour before bed.
A typical good routine involves a bath or shower then quiet time in bedroom with parent before settling into bed and lights out.
Encourage story time for as long as the child will allow as this is great bonding time for children and parents.
Avoid return to daytime activities (e.g. not returning downstairs after bath or shower).
Use of a bedtime pass can limit delay tactics: one or two passes can be exchanged for reasonable requests after lights out (such as a trip to the toilet or kiss goodnight)
Transitional objects (soft toys) are helpful to many young children as part of a positive sleep association.
Anxious children can write down worries in a diary or post them in a 'worry box' before the bedtime routine starts.
Good example of a 'sleep friendly' environment:
A room temperature of 16-20°C.
A 'screen free' (including mobile phones, tablets and computers) bedroom as both the light they emit and the content of screen based activities stimulate the brain to keep awake.
Lights off. LEDs emit much more blue light than white bulbs and therefore have a greater impact on quality sleep, so ensure these are switched off. If some light is needed for comfort use a night-light with a red/orange light.
here does not need to be silence, and it can be helpful for your children to get used to some noise, though noise needs to be at a level that it does not disrupt sleep.
A smoke free environment is safest for children.
Useful Links and resources:
Having a baby or child who doesn’t sleep well can be difficult. Below are some tips on coping and some resources that have further information and advice that might help you.
Helping parents to cope
Encouraging and maintaining good sleep routines and habits for children can be tough for parents who are themselves tired at the end of the day. Things may get worse before they get better, if the child resists the new approach.
Planning is important. If parents are working or if school age siblings may be disturbed, they may have better chance of success during annual leave or school holidays.
Mutual support is important. Agree a strategy that all parents and caregivers can work with.
Contact your health visitor who can give you advice on sleep that is specific to the needs of your baby.
Source
Resource
Link to resource
Resources for parents with babies and young children
Many pre-school aged children can be fussy about what or how they eat. It is not uncommon for children to refuse to eat certain foods, eat a very limited range of food or refuse to eat at all.
Trouble shooting
Trying new foods with your child-Turning "No" into "Yes"!
If your child is an avoidant, picky, or fussy eater, it is likely that they have an automatic ‘No’ response to foods. This is the safest strategy to avoid eating something that they might find distasteful or disgusting. The issue is that this can become so automatic that they don’t even give foods a try, and may not even touch them.
In addition, we often ask children to eat a whole portion of something; this can be off putting and means that the food is in their mouth for a long time. When trying something new, it’s often better for you and your child to aim for a touch,
a lick, or a tiny bite. Try to think of acceptance as a chain…even sniffing or touching a new food is part of the chain of acceptance.
Food Chaining: start by offering foods that are similar to the foods they like. By making subtle changes, your child is more likely to achieve a successful taste. Try to be patient and realistic with food chaining; if your child is very sensitive to changes then aim for very small differences between foods, and remember that
the goal at this point is a lick, bite or a taste rather than the child needing to eat
the whole portion.
My child doesn’t want to touch food:
Some children are much more sensitive to sensory experiences. For them the world is a brighter, louder place. We have found that children who are sensitive to touch (tactile sensitive) also don’t like as many foods, as the textures are more intense in their mouths.The main way to help them with this is to find the textures they don’t mind touching and find similar (but slightly different) textures. Try to choose new foods that are very similar to ones they like.
Start with Non-food play: These are messy games with a variety of substances, which expose children to textures. Children who do not mind getting messy also tend to eat a greater variety of foods.
Sensory chaining: If your child is reluctant to touch very different substances, have a go at sensory chaining. You will need to start by identifying a substance they like touching, and then try to make changes to it. Start your games with these, but then try to chain these substances to less-familiar ones. Think of a slightly different substance that is unfamiliar but similar, or try mixing less-familiar substances in the familiar one.
Start food games with sensory features they like, and gradually introduce one they are not as keen on. Can you see any emerging patterns about what your child will and won’t eat? It may be best to start with new foods with sensory features that your child prefers.
My child has no interest in foods
All children have different appetites. If you show pleasure in the food you are eating and talk about it in a positive and relaxed way, focusing upon taste, then your child will gradually show more interest in food.
Give your child very small portions of food, and small tastes, as large portions can be off-putting.
My child will play with food but will not eat it.
It is important to let your child explore their food. However we are not saying that food should be thrown around the room!
Let your child explore their food, but then take it away after a period of time if they are not interested in eating it.
My child eats the same foods every day
Ensure that there are some foods your child likes at mealtimes. You could have a few foods in some bowls on the table, so they have control over which they put on their plate, and how much they want. This gives them a sense of control
which is rewarding. This approach also offers the opportunity for exposure to foods without the added pressure of being expected to eat it.
Food play examples:
Further tips:
Try to eat together as a family and eat the same meal, ensuring that your child has an appropriately sized portion and that their food does not have any added salt.
Meal times should be relaxed social time together. They should not be only about food-talk and focus on other things while eating, keep things light and fun! Otherwise mealtimes and eating will be associated with stress and they won't eat.
Keep trying with new foods and offer them in different ways (e.g. offering carrot cooked, uncooked, grated, mixed in a sauce etc.).
Get your child involved in preparing and cooking meals.
Praise your child when they try something new.
Aim for no more than two snacks a day.
Don’t keep offering milk when they don’t eat- this will fill them up as their stomach is small.
Don't cook to order, if food is uneaten at the end of the meal, just take it away without comment.
At around 2 years of age it is very normal for children to only want certain foods, they eat it well then suddenly go off that food and want a different one. It is important to offer a healthy balanced diet but be aware this is part of normal development. Don’t keep throwing away food and then cooking just what they want.
It takes a lot of tastes before babies and children get used to the taste. So keep offering. But never force feed.
Focus on minimising distractions (phones, toys, pets) during mealtimes so your child can really concentrate on the food.
Before they can start training, your child needs to be given lots of opportunities for learning. Babies are born ready to learn new skills with our help and the best way for them to do so is through practice and repetition.
Using a potty is a new skill for your child to learn. There's no perfect time as all children are different but research shows it is better for your child’s bladder and bowel health to stop using nappies between 18 and 30 months.
The longer you leave it, the harder it can be for your child to learn this new skill and accept not having a nappy on anymore.
Shouldn't we wait for 'signs of readiness'?
No! Many children and particularly those with additional needs, will never give any signs that they are ready to potty or toilet train.
Very few children wake up one morning and announce they want to stop wearing a nappy! It's a bit like expecting a child to be able to run before they've had a chance to crawl.
You don't need to delay potty training and wait for signs of readiness. Prepare your child by teaching them the skills they need.
How to start?
Remember, you cannot force your child to use a potty. If they're not ready, you will not be able to make them use it.
Children learn by watching so it is important to try to overcome embarrassment and take them into the toilet when you go.
Choose a time when there are a few other big changes such as house moving or a new sibling arriving
Keep a potty next to the toilet
Once you have chosen a time to start, swap nappies or pull-ups for pants
Encourage your child to sit on the potty regularly, particularly after meals and at any time you know your child normally does a poo
Encourage boys to sit down to wee. This helps them to empty their bladder properly and makes sure they can poo as well if they need to
Don't make a fuss if they have an accident but do praise them when they succeed and you could try using a sticker chart
Night time potty training
Night time potty training might take longer than day time potty training. If your child's nappy is dry or very nearly dry in the morning, they may be ready for night time potty training. Make sure that your child uses the potty just before bed and then make sure it is nearby in case they need to use it overnight. If possible use a waterproof sheet and have clean bedding and pyjamas to hand. If things aren't going well, stick with nappies for a little longer and try again later.
Potty training with a disabled child
Some children with a long-term illness or disability find it more difficult to learn to use a potty or toilet. Children with an additional need often need more support with learning to use a potty or toilet, but we recommend following the same 3 step process: preparation, practice and then stopping using nappies.The charity Contact has a parents' guide on potty training with a disabled child. Visit the Contact website for further support and ways of getting in touch with other parents with a disabled child.
What to do when there are problems?
If after you start potty training, it appears that your child was not quite ready, go back to nappies/pull-ups and try again in a few weeks.
If you have any other concerns about toilet training, talk to your health visitor and/or GP.
To make this process easier for you both, follow ERIC's evidence-based 3 step Let's Go Potty approach.
It begins with preparation to use the potty, next is practising potty skills before eventually stopping using nappies as your child gains confidence.
In this video from the NHS, a health visitor gives advice on when you should start potty training with your child.
The good news is you don't need to wait until children grow out of bedwetting - treatment is now available and recommended from the age of five.
However, up to the age of five years, wetting the bed is normal. It usually stops happening as your child gets older without the need for any treatment:
Up to 1 in 5, five year olds wet the bed
1 in 20 ten year olds wet the bed
About 1 in 50 teenagers wet the bed
About 1 in 100 teenagers continue to wet the bed into adulthood
If your child is under five, you don't need to see your GP about their bedwetting unless:
It happens a lot and is upsetting them
They're constipated despite you changing their diet
They have also started wetting themselves during the day, but had been dry on most days for a while
They go to the toilet a lot during the day (for example, every hour), they can't hold on for even a few seconds or minutes, peeing is painful, or they're peeing less than 4 times a day
Your child has started wetting the bed again after being dry for more than six months
How to help bedwetting?
Here are some tips to promote night time dryness in under 5s:
Make sure your child is drinking enough in the day and try to avoid large amounts of fluids at bedtime.
Stop drinks an hour before bedtime OR plan to help them use a potty at night (e.g. if your child is breastfeeding at night).
Help them get into a routine of using the potty or toilet before they go to sleep.
Protect the bed with a waterproof sheet and try putting them to bed without a nappy to see how they manage.
Expect some accidents and understand that these are a very important part of the learning process.
Some children may need to use a potty at night, so make sure you have a potty in their room if possible and a gentle light by the bed.
If your child wakes up at night, help them to use the potty or toilet.
Ask your health visitor or school nurse for advice if you are worried.
