Dads & Partners

Dads and partners play a key role in the care of their baby.

Join Dad Matters for a FREE online workshop open to all dads-to-be and new dads across the UK with babies under 12 weeks old.

This is your chance to learn about helping your baby’s development, consoling your baby, how to cope with a crying baby, how to look after yourself in this major life transition, how to support your partner, where to go for help, support, advice and education about new babies!

Use this link to complete the booking form 

Fatherhood factsheets Click here for a one-stop-shop of essential knowledge for UK dads from the fatherhood Institute. Find out what do you need to know about your legal and employment rights as a father,  get some ideas about some important things to focus on, and some useful sources of advice and support.

A survey of over 500 dads by The Lullaby Trust revealed that only 32% of new and expectant dads have been given safer sleep information by a health professional so they have created a dedicated page filled with everything you need to know.

Click here to visit the Dad's Zone on the Lullaby Trust Website

Becoming a dad can be a time of great happiness but it is not unusual to experience stress, anxiety, low mood, depression or other difficulties 

Download this leaflet to find out where to get more help.

In addition to national support listed above you can get help and support from the midwife, health visitor or GP.  

Download this Guide for new Fathers

Hounslow Health Visiting Advice Line

The Hounslow Health Visiting Advice Line is available  Mon-Friday 9-4pm on 020 8973 3490

ICON

ICON is all about helping people who care for babies to cope with crying. It stands for:

  • I - Infant crying is normal
  • C - Comforting methods can help
  • O - It's OK to walk away
  • N - Never, ever shake a baby

Sometimes the crying can feel like it’s becoming too much, and if this is the case, click here for more advice for Parent on what you can do.  You can try these simple comfort methods to see if the baby stops crying.

 

Below we have a section divided into two parts. The first part is to support dads and partners who have a partner who has a perinatal mental health problem.

The second part is for dads and partners who are experiencing mental health problems themselves. If your partner is also experiencing a mental health problem, this can make it even harder for you to cope with the normal struggles of becoming a parent.

Dad with his baby

Dads & partners play a key role in identifying and helping mothers with their own perinatal mental health issues. You will probably notice any changes in your partners behaviour before anyone else, and it may be down to you to make sure she gets the help she needs, by talking to the midwife, health visitor or GP for example. There are also many ways that you can help which we have have listed below.

Key messages to give your partner:

The main message is to reassure here that this is not her fault. It's easy for her to feel like there's nothing she can do that will help - you can remind here and help her to look after herself. T

 

Ways to help your partner:

Sometimes it can be very difficult to know how to help your partner. You may feel whatever you say or do, is not helping for to feel better. You may feel you have tried many different things but none have worked

"Supporting someone with a mental illness is one of the biggest challenges."

If your partner is not already doing so you must encourage her to seek professional help. The sooner she does this the quicker she will recover. Maternal mental health problems can be serious but she can get better.

While it is natural to feel like you should be able to help fix you partner's distress it's very likely she will need more treatment and support than you can provide alone.

Try to focus on providing practical and emotional support and ensure that she receives these extra services.

 

How can you help?

  • Listen to her and be there
  • Understand this is not her fault or yours, but a real illness and remind her that she will get better
  • Be involved with your partner's care to gain understanding
  • Be patient and kind
  • Help her to organise her time and encourage her to work out what needs doing now and what can wait

 

Other practical things you can help with that will make a huge difference:

  • Keep visitors to a minimum
  • Encourage your partner to take rest and time out for themselves
  • Cook a meal and help with night feeds
  • Offer to take the baby out for a walk or round to friends
  • Remember to tell your partner of your love and give hugs

 

This is important - this is a list of symptoms which may indicate that your partner has a more serious mental health problem - if you are aware of any of these you need to make sure that she gets specialist help. If they start at the weekend get help straight away through the out of hours GP service, don't wait until Monday morning.

  • New thoughts of violent self-harm - don't worry about asking her if she have any thoughts about harming herself - she'll probably be really relieved to be able to talk about it, although some women find it really hard to talk about this. If you're worried about her mood and she's spending a lot of time on the internet then try asking her what she's looking at - sometimes women look up ways to complete a suicide.
  • Sudden onset or rapidly worsening mental symptoms - perinatal illnesses can start really quickly and an individual can deteriorate fast - talk to your midwife, health visitor or GP.
  • Persistent feelings of estrangement from their baby - this may mean that she doesn't want to be near the baby or to do any of care. She might start saying something like 'she's not a good enough mother to look after the baby' - again, you need to tell a health a professional and get help as soon as possible.

West London Perinatal Mental Health Service have introduced a new service for fathers and non- birthing parents, who are co- parenting (with a parent who is currently engaged with West London Perinatal Mental Health Service).

The service aims to provide both practical and emotional support, creating a sense of community amongst fathers and non-birthing parents.

Perinatal Partner’s Service - Hammersmith, Fulham, Ealing and Hounslow Mind (hfehmind.org.uk)

Becoming a dad can be a time of great happiness but it is not unusual to experience stress, anxiety, low mood, depression or other difficulties 

Download this leaflet to find out where to get more help.

In addition to national support listed in the link above you can get help and support from the midwife, health visitor or GP.  

Download this Guide for new Fathers

Hounslow Health Visiting Advice Line

The Hounslow Health Visiting Advice Line is available  Mon-Friday 9-4pm on 020 8973 3490

Hounslow talking therapies

Hounslow talking therapies - can support you if you think that you have depression or anxiety, and you can refer yourself. It's free and as a new parent you should be prioritised for therapy.

Call: 0300 123 0739

Visit : https://www.westlondon.nhs.uk/hounslow-talking-therapies  

Email: wlm-tr.talkingtherapies.hounslow@nhs.net

If you need help now

Call : NHS 111- option 2 for mental health support for all

Or call Single Point of Access Service : 0800 328 4444

Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year for help and advice in a crisis, from trained mental health advisors and clinicians.

Studies into postnatal depression in fathers suggest that around one in five men experience depression after becoming fathers.

Partners might develop a mental health problem when becoming a parent for similar reasons to mothers, particularly if you:

  • Are a young parent without good support networks in place
  • Have experienced abuse in your childhood
  • Are struggling with stressful life events, like moving house, losing your job or being bereaved
  • Have poor living conditions

You might also be coping with:

  • Extra responsibilities around the house
  • Financial pressures
  • A changing relationship with your partner
  • Lack of sleep

You can get help and support from the midwife, health visitor or GP. Your local IAPT service can support you if you think that you have depression or anxiety, and you can refer yourself. It's free and as a new parent you should be prioritised for therapy.

Self-help:

There are lots of different types of self-help available to you for mild to moderate depression so you should be able to find an approach that suits you. 

Self-help leaflets and websites can help you learn more about your difficulties. In turn, this can help you look after yourself and feel more in control of your feelings.

We can recommend these resources. They're up to date, accurate and offer helpful, safe information.

For a range of self-help leaflets you can download in accessible formats, listen to, or watch with British Sign Language (BSL)

You can download a range of worksheets on common conditions from the Centre for Clinical Investigations

 

You may also find the Baby Buddy app useful. It contains masses of useful information about your partners physical and mental health in pregnancy and after the baby has arrived.

Reading well books are available from most libraries, they promote the benefits of reading for health and wellbeing.

For some self-help guides from the NHS click here.

Talking therapy is a NICE recognised therapy delivered by a therapist either face to face, over the telephone or in groups. The therapy is available wherever you live via the NHS and is completely free. If your partner is pregnant or in the first post-natal year your will be prioritised for talking therapy treatment- make sure you mention this when you are referred, There are many different types of therapy available including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which has proved very effective for depression. You should receive your treatment within 6 weeks of the initial referral (NICE 2014).

If you need help now

Call : NHS 111- option 2 for mental health support for all

Or call Single Point of Access Service : 0800 328 4444

Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year for help and advice in a crisis, from trained mental health advisors and clinicians.

 

Useful help & resources:

 

Mental health and wellbeing websites

 

Action For Happiness

Every Mind Matters

Mind

Get Self Help

Talk Plus

Good Thinking

Mindout (for LGBTQ+ communities)

Lifesigns (support for self-harm)

Living with Chronic Pain

No More Panic

Carers UK

Turn2us (benefits advice)

 

 

Hounslow Parent and Infant Relationship Service (PAIRS)

A small, friendly team who specialise in working with babies and their parents. They can work with you from your home or from the Hounslow Family Hubs. They support you and your baby and strengthen that bond.

What Do You Need to Know

Everything they offer is free of charge and accessed through your local Family Hub. You can ask your midwife or health visitor about PAIRS sessions, pop into a Family Hub, or even refer yourself to their services.

How Can I Find Out More?

Click here for more information on Family Hubs

Register to attend your local Family Hub - Registration is required only once and gives you access to all 3 Family Hubs

You can contact PAIRS staff via email on: familyhub@hounslow.gov.uk

PAIRS Services include:

 

  • Baby Massage: a five-week group course to learn more about how you can help your baby feel more relaxed. This is open to any parent with a baby under 6 months living in the borough. 
  • Baby Talk and Play: a five-week course on play and developing your baby's early language skills. This is open to any parent with a baby aged 6-12 months living in the borough.
  • Dad's Play: a drop in group for male carers and their babies or toddlers to have fun and play together. This group is for babies and children under 3.
  • Baby TLC: a group for parents and babies that focuses on connecting through play and making friends. This is by referral only and is for babies from new-born to crawling.
  • Toddler TLC: a closed group for parents and toddlers where you can look at, think about and be with your child. This group is by referral only and is for toddlers aged 1-2 years.
  • Parent Infant Psychotherapy (PIP): this is a longer-term intervention which aims to help make parenthood feel easier and more enjoyable. Supporting you and your baby to be together and thrive. By referral only.

 

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